Author: JJ Grindstaff-Swathwood

The importance of fandoms to friendships

Have you ever tried to think back to the time you’ve met someone you’ve been friends with for a long time? It’s much harder than you might anticipate.

I recently tried remembering without positive results. However, I decided that I met my friend Ashley probably the first day of seventh grade in homeroom, because we both happened to have last names that started with the letter “G”.

Mostly what I remember is being drawn to her because of our shared love of books and reading. She was the only person for a long time who I loaned books and her vice versa because we’d keep each other’s tomes in pristine condition, or at least in the same condition that they’d been given to us. I knew and liked that her favorite Disney character was Belle because she felt connected to her and also secretly wanted a giant library.

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I felt the same way. We probably also talked, at some point in middle school, about our love for Matilda when we were growing up, and how she had an impact on our budding nerdiness through her love of books.

As we grew older and our tastes expanded, we started talking more about the Harry Potter series, and how kick-ass Hermione was, and how we wanted to be like her. Ashley was a Ravenclaw and I at the time believed myself to be a Gryffindor. While my House has since changed firmly to Slytherin, Ashley’s always remained the same. But I also commended her when we got into our twenties about how much like a Hufflepuff she was, always loyal and calm in situations, and forever helpful to her friends. Toward the end of her life, she was braver than any Gryffindor in the books.

We loved Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean, and I remember a party where other high school friends of ours and we discovered the ridiculous sound Johnny Depp makes when Orlando Bloom cuts him down from the gallows. We rewound and watched it at least 10 times, and it was never not funny.

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I made fun of her for her Legolas/Orlando Bloom cardboard cutout that she had in her room. At a sleepover, we were watching a movie when she sneaked over to where it stood in the corner of her room and moved it enough so that it would fall on top of me. From where I was sitting, it looked like a murderer was coming in through her window, and I was his target. She never let me live that down. I never let her live down that fact that she broke her toe when she heard Orlando Bloom’s name on TV and ran to see what was going on, catching her toe on her parents’ sofa in the process.

I read the Twilight books at her insistence, because this was before they got popular and she wanted someone to discuss them with, and none of our other friends wanted to read them at the time. She was way more jazzed about them than I was, but I still read them and talked about them with her through high school, even after they got popular.

She got me my first job at the movie theater, where we collected movie posters and saw midnight premieres of the Potter films before they were released to the general public.

In our twenties, we groaned over the long wait times for the next Sherlock series, and she tried to get me to watch Dr. Who. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t get into it, though I wanted to for her sake. We talked about how much we loved the Jacksonville Jaguars despite their less-than-stellar performances in recent years, and how she couldn’t wait for the 2015-2016 season to see how much they had improved.  

After she had brain surgery to remove the tumors there, I got in touch with a friend, who helped arrange for her meet Coach Gus Bradley and the rest of the team, including her favorite quarterback, Blake Bortles, simply because I knew it would help to keep her strong and happy. I knitted her a Tardis hat, a Jaguars hat, and a Ravenclaw hat to cover up her newly shaved head.

The Jaguars won their first preseason game. That same week she passed away.

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My point is: sometimes you don’t really know when a friendship begins, but it grows and changes through the years with the help of your fandoms that you’re a part of. Your friendship may have begun with something as simple as a shared favorite Disney princess, or over a conversation about your favorite sports team. No matter what, the shared love of these fandoms positive affect a friendship to help it grow.

You learn much about another person by way of how they talk about certain things. Through our conversations about the books we’d lend or recommend to one another, we learned more about each other in a short amount than if we’d played 20 Questions. And in our case, the friendship I had with Ashley lasted because we found in each other kindred spirits after learning so much about one another.

Because her favorite movie of all time was Beauty and the Beast, three of her friends (myself included) and her mom all went to the same tattoo parlor at the same time to get similar memorial tattoos. Mine is pictured below.

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What this tattoo symbolizes is so much more than just our friendship of 14 years. It is a reminder of her every day, and when I look at it, I smile at all of our fond memories. But it is also a conversation starter. Whenever someone comments on my tattoo, I tell them its backstory. Because Ashley could not finish her job of talking to people about melanoma—a passion of hers before she passed—it is my duty as her friend to continue that conversation with everyone that I can.

Melanoma can strike anyone, either due to terrible genetics or because they’ve spent too much without sunscreen. It is very difficult to stop once it has spread, and can create tumors even in your brain, as it did with Ashley. Do not go into the sun for long periods of time without wearing your sunscreen. Re-apply religiously, especially when swimming or with a high heat index. Slather your children in sunscreen when they go outside. All it takes sometimes is one bad sunburn, and your risk for melanoma increases astronomically.

Every person has that one friend who is inherently special, and for many of our mutual friends, that person was Ashley. Everyone reading this right now is potentially thinking of their friend who has made an impact on them. But I also want you to think about your friends, your family, even your co-workers and acquaintances.

I want you to help them, to remind them about the importance of taking care of their skin in any way that you can, especially getting to a dermatologist if you see a suspicious bump or skin lesion. If it’s through a shared love of something, or through your fandom, then you have the perfect conversation starter. If not, think of the rose from Beauty and the Beast. Help the spread of awareness even outside of a disease’s particular month.

Your health, and the health of those you love, is important at all times.

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The Tale of the Three Brothers: How History Repeats Itself in Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling is a prolific author who still manages to surprise her fanbase regularly. The Harry Potter series has indeed made quite the impact on numerous generations since it began, as I touched on in my article about re-reading the series as an adult. There are still many mysteries that Rowling has yet to release to her fans, and one of them that makes me wonder more than others is that of Salazar Slytherin’s origins and how it might have potentially played into the rest of the series.

I identify as a Slytherin

That surprises many people, as they believe them to be the “bad” House. To those people, I say that you haven’t read Rowling’s work carefully enough.

No House is permanently defined by such a sweeping definition, and as we saw throughout the books there are bad people from all Houses and walks of life, not just Slytherin. The lack of information on my House’s founder is particularly fascinating to me, because at least we got more information on other House founders.

Then I started to wonder if perhaps the origin of Slytherin was mysterious because of a reason. We don’t even really know where he comes from, just that the Sorting Hat says he’s from “fen,” which can be anything from Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, and a small area of Suffolk. While there are a couple of native species of snakes in Great Britain, I cannot imagine they’re as common as they might be in other areas. This led me to wonder if Voldemort wasn’t the only member of the Slytherin line to lie about his origins.

Before we get into my theory, I’d like to state what we currently know about Salazar Slytherin. From the Harry Potter Wikipedia, we know that “it is not established that Slytherin came from that particular region [fen].” Of course, we also know that he lived in the 10th century, founded Hogwarts with his other three friends, left the school after hiding his basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, and died at some point in the Middle Ages. We also know that he was “ancient and monkey-like” and had a “long thin beard that fell almost to the bottom of his sweeping robes” that was white in color. We also know that he was power-hungry, possessed great cunning and determination, was a Parselmouth, and also valued pure blood over all others. He was considered as one of the greatest wizards of his age, even accomplishing Legilimency.


What we don’t have are hardcore facts beyond this. Even his physical attributes are very basic, at best. So, in truth, he could be from anywhere. Considering his most radical ancestors, Marvolo Gaunt and Tom Marvolo Riddle, share Slytherin’s reliance on blood purity and their ancestry, we can see this is one trait that passed down through the generations.

Could it also be that the lie about ancestry was passed down with Slytherin? There are many instances of history repeating itself or haunting the present in the Potter series, particularly when a character’s ancestry comes up. Harry is considered by many to be just like his father in many ways, not just in his looks, but in his sense of adventure, disregard for rules, and willingness to do what is right in the face of danger. The heir of Slytherin threat was apparent twice in the wizarding world (once in the 1940s and then again in the 1990s when the books are set). Albus Dumbledore attempted throughout his entire life to right the mistakes of what happened for his younger sister, Ariana, and his father, Percival.

Sirius Black, in an attempt to not be like his bigoted family, treated the wrong creature with disdain (Kreacher) that ultimately guided him to his death. The most “haunted” of the books is The Deathly Hallows, as the hallows themselves and the ancestors of those who held them are important in the present just as they were when Death first gifted and cursed the world with the hallows.


Two such known ancestors of the Peverell brothers from “The Tale of the Three Brothers” are Harry Potter and Tom Marvolo Riddle, better known as Lord Voldemort. Marvolo Gaunt, Voldemort’s maternal grandfather, claimed that he was a direct descendant not only of Salazar Slytherin, but of Cadmus Peverell, the man who owned the Resurrection Stone. As proof, he had a ring that had the Peverell coat of arms, what we now know is the Deathly Hallows symbol, that was set with the Resurrection Stone.

Harry Potter, as is well-known now after the ending of the series, is the descendant of Ignotus Peverell, the brother who chose the Cloak of Invisibility and then “greeted Death as an old friend.” Toward the end of The Deathly Hallows, in order to save everyone else, Harry must greet Death (in this case, Voldemort) as an old friend, without knowing that he’ll be able to choose whether or not he’ll live once he’s been killed.

But let’s get back to Voldemort and his ancestors for a moment. Cadmus Peverell wanted the Resurrection Stone because he pined after his love, who was dead, and he wished for a way to bring her back. He does, but she is not happy in this world, and he eventually lets her return before committing suicide presumably to be with her. The Harry Potter Wiki article further explains that Cadmus seemingly lived long enough to sire children, since the Gaunts are his descendants, and it’s possible that this love of his had died during childbirth.

If we think about that momentarily, it fits with another well-known character’s origin story: Voldemort. His mother, Merope, was deeply in love with a muggleborn, Tom Riddle, and presumably put him under a love potion so that she could marry him and have his child. She felt shameful at having to put her beloved under magic in order to make him love her in return, and she had figured since enough time had passed, and because she was about to bear his child, that he would love her even without the potion. Unfortunately, she was wrong. Merope was left alone and pregnant, having been cast out by her father and brother. She died soon after birthing and naming the boy who would grow to become Voldemort.


Voldemort, later in life, was disgusted by his mother’s activities. And at first, it couldn’t have been because of the pureblood/muggleborn issue, because he didn’t realize he came from wizarding blood in the first place. It was a simple, base instinct of hatred toward a mother for not loving him enough, in his mind, to stay alive. Once he discovered his origins, Voldemort grew even more righteous in his fury, because his mother had loved a muggleborn more than she had loved him, the way he saw things. After further discovering his ancestor of Cadmus Peverell and his tragic end, Voldemort must have sworn off love of any kind by this point. As he saw it, and as Dumbledore tells the readers, Voldemort saw love as a weakness. And, in his mind, it had only brought tragedy. What he failed to realize was that history was attempting to teach him a lesson to be careful in love, not shun it altogether.

So did he take another lesson from the pages of his ancestor’s book when lying about his origins? Voldemort claimed pure blood, but the knowledge of Slytherin’s bloodline or even from where he hails is speculation at best. What I looked into was the etymology of the name “Salazar” (because the only etymology from “Slytherin” comes from Rowling’s books). This is what I discovered:

And “Salazar” is of Spanish or Portuguese origin, and means “dweller in the old hall.” It is from the Romance word “sala,” meaning “hall” and the Basque word “zahar,” meaning “old.” It can also refer to Salazar in Burgos, Spain. Obviously, this is a perfect name for Slytherin, who not only founded Hogwarts, but also created the Chamber of Secrets.

According to Wikipedia, the name originates from the town of the same name, which is in northern Burgos, Castile. Further, the name originates from a certain noble family that held a fief in that area. Wikipedia states, “Salazar is also a common surname among Roma people. Due to several censuses made in the Kingdom of Castile during the 14th and 15th centuries, every Castilian subject was forced to take a name and two surnames. The Roma, who used to call themselves only by a first name, decided to take established surnames to add prestige to their families. They chose from among the oldest noble families, usually of Basque origin, thus it is extremely common to find Roma with surnames such as Heredia, Salazar, Mendoza, or Montoya.”

It is possible that during her research, Rowling drew inspiration from the Roma people taking a new, well-known name as an opportunity to re-create themselves and garner respect. Perhaps this is what Slytherin did for himself and, as a result, Voldemort did the same thing to deny his own recent ancestry and recreate himself. This is why he chose a new name, one that was an anagram, so he wouldn’t have to share a name with a “Mudblood.”


Voldemort cannot survive this story, because he spent all of his life denying his past. Dumbledore suffered the same fate. Both men knew the history of their families, for good or bad, and chose to cover them up so that they could become great men themselves. Voldemort’s was simply for power and eternal life for himself. Dumbledore’s, on the other hand, was to pay penance for what happened in his youth, and also perhaps to protect the wizarding world as a whole. Because they could not truly accept their pasts, they had to perish.

Harry, on the other hand, understood his ancestry and knew what he had to do, for better or worse. While he didn’t want to die, he knew that countless others would perish if he didn’t turn himself over to Voldemort. He learned from his own past mistakes and of his parents’, and instead took the gift of love that they had given to him in order to save the wizarding world.

Never being able to escape your past, and learning from it and accepting it as a part of yourself, but not allowing it to define who you are would be in keeping with many of the other lessons readers take away from the Potter series. Is it possible Rowling will ever acknowledge Slytherin’s past so that we can understand Voldemort even more? Only time will tell.

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The Walking Dead: How playing with dolls gets you killed

After talking about the plight of children throughout The Walking Dead’s season, I couldn’t leave out Episode 14 of Season 4, entitled “The Grove.” This episode and “Clear” from Season 3 are likely my favorite episodes of The Walking Dead of all time.

Carol, Tyreese, Lizzie, Mika, and Judith happen upon a house in the middle of the woods. There is fresh water, abundant pecans, and even deer that have taken up residency in the area. It seems perfect, and the group decides to rest here and even toy with the idea of not going on to Terminus and staying in their new home instead. (I’ll note here that I made the mistake of knowing too much about Roman mythology and spoiled myself about what would happen at Terminus despite not reading the comic book series. At least I felt vindicated when what I thought was going to happen did happen.)


The scene that is set for us in this “grove” is one of tranquility. It is very much how Eden might have looked for Adam and Eve. This imagery becomes important later on.

This brings me to looking at the relationship between Lizzie and Mika. At first glance, particularly after the prison first falls, it is Lizzie who appears to be the stronger of the two, both physically and will-wise. Mika is too sweet, and the connection to Carol’s daughter is made multiple times throughout this episode. Mika even finds a doll and proceeds to play with it. Though she is not nearly as infantilized as Sophia was throughout the first two seasons, Mika is clearly unwilling to change to adapt to this new world. She does not want to be “mean” and does not want to kill, even if it’s a deer that they might eat.


However, it is Mika who understands the difference between human beings and the zombies that are now walking this earth with them.

Lizzie sees them as people too—she claims to be able to “hear” them. While Mika plays with a doll, Lizzie plays with a walker that she actually names the same as Mika’s doll, Griselda Gunderson. Lizzie toys with death, quite literally, twice in the episode: once with the walker “playing” with her, and the second when she feeds the walker stuck in the train tracks and admitting the thought wishing to be turned herself so the others can understand the walkers like she does.

Lizzie has given us a clue into her downward spiral earlier this season. She nearly smothers Judith when the baby will not stop wailing. It is implied there that it is Carol who rescues the girls from the walkers and Judith from being smothered. It is also clear, from Carol’s promise to their dying father in Season 3 and from the way the girls treat Carol that the woman has become their surrogate mother.

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Lizzie and Mika are sisters who have survived this far, which is a feat in and of itself for children in The Walking Dead. However, they are doomed, and those who are paying close attention while they watch the show will know this. I knew the moment Mika found the doll that she was a dead girl. Then, when Lizzie “played” with her female walker of the same name as Mika’s doll, I sort of figured where the ending was going.

Lizzie and Mika represent Cain and Abel, respectively. Lizzie kills Mika in the hopes of showing the others what she knows about the walkers that others do not know. Cain kills Abel for any number of reasons, depending upon how one interprets The Bible. In any case, this little group has re-started in this pristine world that seems relatively untouched by walkers or other people. Lizzie is the first to commit murder in this place—this place that would have been their home and was their sanctuary. However, instead of allowing Lizzie to continue throughout the world with a “mark” upon her as was Cain’s fate, Carol and Tyreese agree that she “can’t be around other people.”


This marks the scene that is one of the best in the entire series. “Best” being in terms of writing, cinematography, choreography, symbolism, whatever. It’s absolutely perfect. Carol must shoot the girl who has become a surrogate daughter to her. Sororicide and, for all intents and purposes, child murder occurs in this episode, with the threat of infanticide weighing heavily on the minds of Tyreese and Carol. It is the tipping point in my mind, why they cannot allow Lizzie to live. She has already threatened to kill Judith, the one member of their group who is absolutely unable to defend herself. Lizzie has already threatened the survival of their species by killing her sister (which Lizzie does not even regret—just before she dies, she is only upset because she’s afraid Carol’s mad at her [Lizzie] for pointing a gun in her [Carol’s] direction), but has doubly threatened their survival and their humanity by willingly admitting to nearly killing Judith.

But the best line in this episode is spoken by Tyreese just before he and Carol come upon Lizzie holding a bloody knife, Judith lying on her blanket in the sun, and Mika’s dead body.

“The whole world is haunted.”

It is in reference to those who have died (Karen, Tyreese’s girlfriend, more specifically) before them. But in this instance, I believe this world is haunted by the need of doing what you have to do to survive, which is a theme Carol insists upon the girls throughout the episode. The world is haunted by infanticide, child murder—whatever you want to call it—because it is inevitably what must be done in order to survive. This threat constantly hangs over everyone’s heads, and this is why Lizzie cannot survive. She is the infanticidal haunting made literal.

While Lizzie is the physical embodiment of the infanticidal haunting over this world, killing her won’t stop it. As Tyreese says the world is haunted, as in present tense. Initially one might think that the world being haunted has something to do with the Walkers. However, as we’ve discovered, it’s the people who are haunted. Haunted by the disease that’s inside of them that turns everyone when they die. Haunted by their past, by what they’ve had to do to survive. And haunted by the future, which rests on the shoulders of their children, which is what this world has become so adept at killing.

Needless to say, I can’t wait to see what Season 6 brings.

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The Walking Dead and the plight of the children

After thinking a lot about the plight of Carl and the other children on The Walking Dead, I decided that I had a lot more to say on the subject than I originally anticipated. So, welcome to part two, which takes us all the way back to the very beginning of the show.


The first scene of The Walking Dead in the first season, first ever episode (“Days Gone Bye”) finds the viewer watching Rick Grimes approach an abandoned gas station. The scene is dismal. There are wrecked cars everywhere, others simply left where they are. The place is extremely quiet. Rick finally sees movement when he ducks under a car and spots small, moving legs. There, he sees what appears to be a small child, wearing a robe and slippers. She picks up a teddy bear and continues moving. He calls out to her, and she turns around, revealing part of her right cheek missing, sunken eyes, and a general disheveled appearance that comes with being turned into the undead. This zombie child starts for Rick, eventually forcing him to fire his gun, shooting her through the head and killing her for the final time.

The reason this scene works so well is that it shows precisely what is at stake and what this show is all about. The writers could have picked pretty much anyone for Rick to encounter as a zombie in the first scene of what will eventually become a crazy-popular show, but they choose to force Rick to kill a small child. It is powerful because it shows the cruelty of what the world has become and gives us as viewers a small glimpse into what Rick must do to survive. But it also tells us that this show is alluding to Rick’s later infanticidal actions.

To me, this scene sets up the show and its messages very well. It shows us that children are central to this show, and that their deaths mean something. In this case, the little girl’s death means that the rules Rick once followed no longer apply; the old world has no more bearing on what he must do now. And, as I mentioned, it means that the whole world is infanticidal. It is a rule that this show must live by. Any time an act is infanticidal, the show is reminding you of the previous lesson that it wants you to learn: that we must take care to treat our children well.

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Don’t believe me? Let’s look again at Lori’s pregnancy.

The thing about a pregnancy is that it is both a conception and a contraception at once. What I mean by that is this: while the act of being pregnant means that you’re indeed bringing a life into this world, you’re also destroying the possibility of an infinite amount of other lives being brought into this world.

So while a pregnancy seems productive, it really is more destructive in its nature. A simple way to put it is this: where there is life, so too is there death. This may not seem like such a big revelation, but the world of The Walking Dead seems so much different from our own. What the show is trying to tell us is that it’s really not all that different from the world we’re used to. People get pregnant in the real world, and people in the show-world also get pregnant. The same rules apply regardless of where you are.

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In the case of Lori, she must die so that the baby survives. So far, the Grimes children are the luckiest children in the show. While the rules still apply to them, they are able to avoid death with the help and selflessness (and in some cases selfishness) of others. Judith survives because her mother was willing to die. Carl survives his gunshot wound because Shane Walsh is willing to kill Hershel Greene’s man Otis in order to get back to the farm alive. However, things are not so for the other children of The Walking Dead.  

The first real child Rick encounters is Duane, the son of Morgan Jones—the man who saves Rick’s life right after he wakes up. Duane seems like your average 13 or 14-year-old. His father even encourages him to continue reading his comic books. Morgan is responsible for keeping his son safe, especially since the boy’s mother (Jenny) has turned into a Walker. Morgan corrects Duane’s grammar, reminds him to say his “please”s and “thank you”s, and comforts the boy when he is upset by his zombie-mother approaching the house they’re staying in. Overall, Morgan seems the epitome of a “good” father figure to his son.

Eventually, we learn in season three, episode 12, “Clear”—one of my favorite episodes—that Duane has been turned into a Walker by his own mother. As we know, Morgan and Rick had a few conversations about Jenny as a Walker during the first episode.


Rick had urged Morgan to kill his wife, as it would be the only way he could move on. The guilt Morgan must have experienced during the aftermath of his son being turned was tremendous. While the act of a mother killing her son is heinous, even when the mother is now a zombie and doesn’t know what she’s doing, Morgan was finally able to kill his wife.  Though it is unclear what he did to Duane, I’m going to assume he killed his son as well. Because of this, Morgan goes mad from regret and guilt at not having been strong enough to kill his wife in the first place as Rick suggested.

The death of Duane shows us that the world is most cruel to those we would consider the most innocent. This theme gets repeated countless times.

The next children we as viewers encounter are Carl Grimes, Sophia Peletier (Carol’s daughter), and Eliza and Louis Morales. Carl was discussed extensively in my original post, so I will skip him for now. The Morales children left with their parents and their whereabouts are unknown. This leaves Sophia Peletier. Sophia is 12 years old and is made to be extremely child-like despite her age and the situation she finds herself in. Generally, she is seen holding onto a doll that Eliza Morales gave to her as a parting gift when her family and the rest of the group parted ways. She holds onto this doll for security, and this, as a result, helps in her infantilization. Her mother worries over her, particularly because she believes her husband, Ed, to be abusive to Sophia physically, psychologically, and sexually, just as Ed is towards Carol. Sophia does not get many speaking lines. Generally, viewers see her crying, following her mother or Carl, playing with her doll, holding onto her doll, or being silent, furthering infantilizing her.


When the group is stranded on the highway and must hide from the herd of Walkers, Sophia is underneath a car when she emerges too soon. A Walker spots her and begins to give chase. Sophia runs into the woods, now two Walkers following her, and Rick goes after Sophia. As we all know, Sophia becomes lost. Eventually, once the group is on the farm and has nearly given up looking for her, they find Sophia with the other Walkers Hershel keeps in the barn. In a scene that is uncannily like the first scene of the first season, Rick shoots Sophia to kill her, as she is now a zombie.  

The fact that the writers, producers, and directors spend so much time infantilizing Sophia—to the point that she is all but voiceless or screaming as an infant does (and, if we recall, that is the one thing Carol later tells us about Sophia as an infant: that she cried like clockwork every night at three in the morning)—has to mean something. To me, this shows how innocent Sophia is. In fact, the parents so far seem to be very good and protective by many viewers’ standards. They are protecting their children from the world they now live in and are attempting to treat their children as they would have before. But, as we can see, this treatment is getting them killed.

This leads me to how Rick’s group ends up on Hershel Greene’s farm in the first place. While looking for Sophia, Rick, Shane, and Carl encounter a deer. In a moment of serenity, Rick allows Carl to approach the deer instead of killing it for dinner as soon as it comes into their line of sight. The image presented is a beautiful one. The deer is still, silent, and complacent with Carl’s approach. Carl’s face is lit up with happiness as he approaches the deer. Everything happens in slow motion. And then we hear the gunshot. Carl drops. Everything returns to normal speed, and the last image of the season is Rick screaming for his son.

We as viewers are given another image of innocence, of childhood, and it is taken away from us with a violence that is sudden, gruesome, and nearly deadly.

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The next child I wish to discuss is Penny Blake, the Governor’s daughter. When viewers first see her, we don’t know she’s a Walker. What we do see is a serene scene of a father taking care