(Won-Loss Record and Last Week’s Ranking in parentheses)

1.  Seattle Seahawks (1-0) (1) – Haven’t missed a beat.

2.  Denver Broncos (1-0) (2) – Peyton Manning:  still worth the price of admission.

3.  San Francisco 49ers (1-0) (5) – Turmoil?  What turmoil?  I don’t see any turmoil.

4.  New England Patriots (0-1) (3) – Yeah, sure, they’re in terrible trouble.  The sky is falling.  Yawn.

5.  New Orleans Saints (0-1) (4) – Just another classic Saints/Falcons battle.  I missed that last year.

6.  Indianapolis Colts (0-1) (6) – They lost a road game to Denver.  That’ll happen.

7.  Arizona Cardinals (1-0) (9) – Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat.

8.   Atlanta Falcons (1-0) (11) – What a difference having 17 guys back healthy makes.

9.   Green Bay Packers (0-1) (8) – I know Seattle is great, but they looked just dreadful.

10.  Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) (14) – A key win early.

11.  San Diego Chargers (0-1) (10) – Close but no cigar.

12.  Chicago Bears (0-1) (7) – They really could not afford a blunder like that right out of the gate.

13.  Carolina Panthers (1-0) (15) – No quarterback, no problem.  It’s called defense.

T-14.  Baltimore Ravens (0-1) (12) – Tough divisional matchups back to back.

T-14.  Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0) (17) – Damn near blew it.

16.  Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) (16) – Damn near really blew it.

17.  Miami Dolphins (1-0) (18) – Let’s not hand them the Lombardi Trophy just yet, OK?

18.  Detroit Lions (1-0) (20) – On one hand, they won convincingly.  On the other hand, they committed 85 yards in penalties, so same old Lions.

19.  Buffalo Bills (1-0) (22) – More good news:  they’re betting bought by the guys who own the Sabres.

20.  New York Giants (0-1) (13) – Typical slow start.

21.  Houston Texans (1-0) (26) – Send out the Clowney.  (The owners of this website would like to apologize for this truly dreadful pun, which was in no way funny and was slightly offensive considering that Mr. Clowney is, in fact, injured for an extended period.  The owners of this website would like to wish Mr. Clowney a speedy recovery and promise our loyal readership no more awful puns.  Also, once he’s healthy…Send In The Clowney!)

22.  New York Jets (1-0) (27) – Not so bad after all.

23.  Tennessee Titans (1-0) (28) – Maybe Jake Locker is the answer.

24.  Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) (19) – Nothing working.

T-25.  Washington RacialSlurs (0-1) (21) – Is that all you got?

T-25.  Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) (23) – Forget the quarterback situation for a minute.  This entire team is learning what it takes to win.

27.  Cleveland Browns (0-1) (24) – Almost a miracle comeback.

28.  Minnesota Vikings (1-0) (31) – Who saw THAT coming?

29.  Dallas Cowboys (0-1) (25) – How low can you go?

30.  Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) (29) – When you lose to Derek Anderson, that’s not a good thing.

31.  Oakland Raiders (0-1) (32) – The Derek Carr Project is underway.

32.  St. Louis Rams (0-1) (30) – No one looked worse than they did.  No one.