Threesomes are commonly thought as a great way to spice up a dull relationship. But here’s why threesomes are actually a terrible idea.
I’ll start this story at the end: me and James broke up. Now to a sobbing phone call on the phone with my Mom, sitting on my dorm bed drinking wine I convinced my friend with the shitty fake ID to buy me:
“Mom, me and James broke up.”
“Oh honey, it’s about time. But, what happened?”
“Well… we had a threesome with Bethany. And then they fucked a weekend after that. When I wasn’t there.”
“Uhm, when you say threesome, does that mean that you…”
“Yes, Mom. I fucked her too.”
One evening of ménage à trois (which was my idea – promoted by a handle of Pinnacle vodka and a little curiousity) reignited us for about a week. One fight and a weekend later, however, somehow landed James back in Bethany’s bed, this time without me.
I think the best part was that he told me, so matter of factly as we rode home from the library one day.
“Lucy, I did something shitty this weekend. Well, I kind of hooked up with Bethany. But it made me realize how much I love you. I want to be with you forever.”
About an hour later, all of his stuff was being thrown off the third-story of my dorm building. There’s really something liberating about throwing someone’s shit from a high place and watching them try to catch a stray T-shirt or pair of vans. Sure, I knew we needed to breakup, but like this?
I was livid. More than livid, I was embarrassed and hurt. I called Bethany that day and cursed her out. I also called everyone who knew her & told them how much of a skank she was (even an old employer that I had gotten her a job with).
Looking back, I should really thank Bethany. I might not have ever broken up with James. I also might not have had the experiences that followed, some of which were notable enough to have a place in this series. I put on a tube dress, called the girls down the hall, and started the next chapter – “Hey, who’s that DJ?”
‘Loose lips sink ships’ is an ongoing series. check out the main page to see the latest updates in my hot mess of a dating life.
Featured image via We Heart It
