Ladies, you may be thinking I’m talking about the countless orgasms we’ve all had to fake, but not this time. I’m talking about a different kind of faking–the kind that will actually benefit you.
Recently, I’ve been going through some tough times. Sometimes, I’m so incredibly overwhelmed that I can hardly stand it–at least soberly.
I am a huge advocate in appearing strong, even when I’m emotionally falling to pieces on the inside. Though there are great people in every person’s life, there are also terrible people that will take advantage of any signs of weakness and it’s important to be selective in who sees your softer side.
I am the oldest of four and have no sisters. Needless to say, I can handle myself.
My mom taught me to never let a boy see me cry; my dad taught me how to fight through it when I do; and my brothers gave me the thick skin I needed to make sure it rarely happens.
It does happen though. As much as each of us wishes to never feel the pain of heartbreak, that’s the risk you take when you love. We know what we’re getting into and we choose to fall anyway.
When the world crumbles underneath you, you’re vulnerable. And when you see that scumbag out having the time of his life when all you feel is misery, rage and hurt can overwhelm you to tears or worse.
Though emotional breakdowns are necessary in the process of moving on–do not do this in public.
Put a smile on your face and one day you’ll realize you’re not trying to hold on to it.
Fake happiness. Laugh through the pain and work hard to see the beauty you have outside the suffering.
I thought I couldn’t bear another day with my broken heart and then it hit me.
I was okay.
I saw my ex out and thought I’d either burst into tears or knee him in the face (something I’ve always wanted to do), but I did neither. I kept my composure and was light and friendly. I walked off, took a shot of Jameson and assessed the damage.
I half expected myself to crawl to the bathroom and cry myself into a blackout, but I felt nothing. And that’s when I realized I was there–or at least well on my way.
I didn’t need to fake strength anymore because through all the hopes of a better day, I built all the strength I needed.
Do what you need to do. If you need to be drunk for two months like I did, then do it. Want to get laid? Flirt your ass off. Feel you need to spend your savings on a spontaneous trip? Book that flight. I did what I needed to do to distract myself until I didn’t fear my own emotions anymore.
Now I do those things because I want them–I enjoy them.
I travel for myself now. I flirt not just for a distraction, but an attraction. And though I do enjoy a good dirty Kettle martini, I definitely don’t do it to numb myself anymore.
I never wanted him or anybody else to know that I was crying my eyes out after too much to drink or that I woke up with swollen eyes from heartbreaking dreams. When people asked me how I was or if I heard about my ex doing this, that or the other, I always responded in a way that made me seem like I’d never been better and couldn’t care less.
I was selective with who saw my hurt and because of it, though others assumed I had to be going through some emotional sh*t, I looked like I was doing great. Because I kept myself composed, I was able to fake it that much easier.
I wore that mask well.
I refused to leave bars because of uncomfortable situations or stay in my apartment because I felt shattered. Now, it’s been a few months and I’ve never felt better. I moved through the hardest stages of my breakup without anybody knowing.
Be better than those who hurt you because your misery isn’t ruining their lives, it’s ruining yours.
Smile until you don’t need to try and sometimes that’s all it takes.
Karma is a beast and won’t forget to kick his ass, but by then you’ll be so far over it, it won’t even matter.
So, fake happiness and put a smile on that pretty, little face because one day you’ll laugh at the rock bottom you once felt.
